You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
