I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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