I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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