it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
