when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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