well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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