Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
