now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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