he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
