it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
