Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
