She said her name was "party"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
