Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize