Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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