Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
