I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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