This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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