And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
