honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
