Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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