i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The uberlube is also flammable
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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