My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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