so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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