I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
