tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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