mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
