If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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