Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
