drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
