So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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