dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've blown a few things in my day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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