I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
