I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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