Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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