Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
