I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
