to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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