can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
