I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
