Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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