His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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