Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
