is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
