dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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