Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
