Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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