I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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