I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
