I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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