I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
