John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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