I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
