and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
