Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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