dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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