he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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