I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
