when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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