Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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