My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
