Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
