this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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