I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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